Born and raised in Southern California — 60 miles east of LA –I went to school, got a job, then graduated, got a different job then went back to school for a minute or two. I was in my late 30’s when I finally met and married the love of my life and within 4 days after our September 1994 wedding my apartment was packed up– some stuff came with me and some stayed in storage for collection five months later. My husband Raul was/is from Southwest Idaho so I came to live with him in Nampa. Left my mom and dad, my brothers and my sisters, my beloved nephews and all of my friends — resigned from my job there at Kaiser Permanente and went to live in some strange but beautiful land.
I continue to reside here with my husband who when we married was Pastoring a church nearby. Since then he was in a work related MVA and due to the injuries was removed from the pastor-ship. I have noted that when talking about myself I tend to talk about my husband as my life really has been wrapped up in him– his care and safety… In the interim Ema got lost somewhere and has just recently decided that she needs to emerge from the cacoon she has allowed herself to hide in.
As I think and write here, I hope to share some of what we have and are going through as we come out on the other side of this new life that we have been given. Well, maybe there is no other side really, but maybe we will find a place in the middle of the sadness where we can still find joy and live a life filled, once again, with love and life and happiness filled with productivity and honor to our God.
this side of the Door 
sista:- you are a butterfly in that “cacoon” get out and spread those wings- you are you a side from your husband! Yes you are “2:in one” but celebrate that one unique you that he fell so “ga-ga” for! We do tend to melt into – the roles we play- wife, sister, provider, caregiver etc…. but we are women of strong core strength and pure drive and inner joy!! Shine sista!!!!!
Bilha
Ema, It’s wonderful to hear your “voice” again. A bit different but definitely you. I’m believing, on your behalf, that you will find a place of love, life and happiness again.
Bilha — yes, I melded into that caregiver person. I didn’t know how to stop the melting of Ema and I am guessing that that is because Raul took/takes a great deal of my energy as well as time so that there hasn’t really been too much time for myself.
But, yes — I realize that I am my own entity and am working at that.. working at being obedient to God so that I can be–or so that he can mold and make me into that woman that he is wanting to see– as I emerg from that ‘cacoon’.
Inner joy — ahhh, I like that.
MelaWela,
Thank you for believing with me. If I couldn’t believe that — what would be the point of anything? As for my voice… ahem… baby steps.
Thank you, for commenting on my blog, Ema. This is the first chance that I have had to visit and I am so sorry to learn of the loss of your Raul and I am so sorry for the insult that you suffer from someone taking his identity.
All of this is hard in and of itself, but then to add the coldness of someone that takes advantage of you and Raul after his passing is so terrible…
I admire your courage to continue on and post on the days that are so difficult, i.e. Raul’s Birthday and Father’s Day…thanks for sharing your life. It helps those of us who are facing the same kind of living…Thanks for sharing Raul’s life with us through your eyes…Healing is hard, but heal, you must…we all must…